We were able to voice our expectations better.” “What people seek in a friendship - honesty, communication, companionship - they also want in a marriage,” says Bengaluru-based Neha Vashisht, who went to couples’ therapy within a year of her arranged marriage, since she and her husband were living like strangers under the same roof. They’re depressed and withdrawn because they can’t express their feelings. “It is a recurrent theme in marriages ending – women struggling for autonomy, losing their identity while meeting expectations,” says Jha. Other times, they’re matters of conditioning - what’s your definition of a sanskari biwi, for example. Sometimes, the issues are steeped in simplified gender roles - who does the housework, for instance. Talking about trauma and exploring solutions.” “It’s about understanding and voicing your needs and expectations. “The goal of therapy shouldn’t be to stay together,” explains Rhea Kishnani, a Mumbai-based psychotherapist. “I wish I had listened to family and friends who warned me,” she says.Ĭan such a marriage be saved? Counselling is usually a good place to start. Kolkata-based Saumya Sinha romanticised her boyfriend’s jealousy and possessiveness. Often, issues that seemed manageable before are no longer so. We didn’t seek help, we just wanted out.” “We weren’t mature enough to handle grown-up things like rent, bills and responsibilities. We married a year after graduating, and separated just as quickly,” says Vasudha. When Mumbai-based Vasudha Iyer locked eyes with Tanmay Karnik on a college campus, she “knew we’d spend our lives together. Then there are those who marry their bachpan ka pyaar, or the coworker they fell in love with, imagining a happily ever after. “If it’s because all their friends got married and they felt left out, or wanted the imagined security that marriage might bring, reality might come as a shock,” says Tanvi Jha, a Lucknow-based couples’ counsellor.Īrranged marriages might find couples with incompatible needs ending up together. Whether a couple stays together often depends on why they got together in the first place. A still from Modern Love/ Amazon.in ( Tina Fey and John Slattery play a couple at marriage therapy) And divorce, though more common than in previous generations, is still traumatic. That the pain and trouble of a difficult marriage is something women want to avoid.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |